DOES anyone remember the story of Julius Caesar? Ok, in a nutshell, Julius Caesar was a Roman emperor who could not swim, was deaf in one ear, and had enemies that wanted to overthrow his rule – the five conspirators! Does it ring any bell? My interest in the story of Julius Caesar, however, has to do with a soothsayer – modern day fortuneteller – who predicted Caesar’s downfall.
Recently, a soothsayer visited my office in Walvis Bay, as I desperately tried to make the day’s deadline for the submission of stories. He was of Indian origin, drove a Tata and had one of those cloths neatly wrapped around his hair. Although I was reluctant to allow him to predict my future, he went ahead anyway. You see, I always have my doubts when it comes to people like Mr Singh.
“You think a lot. You are a person that thinks a lot … I can tell from the fine lines on your forehead,” he started. That was easy, I thought. Of course, I think too much – my line of work requires that! As I started shaking my head in doubt, he dropped another one…
“Your boss, not the man – the lady one, she likes your work,” he paused, before proceeding “… or is it the man that likes your work … No, yes … yes … I see confusion here …”
That was it! I had enough. I was racing against deadline and to rub it in I had a soothsayer in my office that does not even know how to tell a lie! I showed him the door, diplomatically of course. As he was leaving, I decided to test him and asked if he could predict anything else other than my future. He smiled, and returned to his seat.
He told me that time had come for Morgan Tsvangirai to become Zimbabwe’s Prime Minister and that despite what many are hoping for, Barrack Obama will not make it to the White House. Ok, now he succeeded in winning my interest. I asked why Obama would not make it to the White House. He smiled, looked out of the window and leaned forward and in a whisper said:
“Don’t worry … I was also dropped by a girl recently. Time will heal your wounds. My friend that is what fate had intended for you … to reap the fruits of bachelorhood.”
He must have realised that I was not interested in what he was telling me, as he drove the conversation back to politics, although he still wouldn’t answer the first question I had put to him.
“The world and its entire doings will come to an end. All present-day governments will fall, as one permanent government – that of God takes over,” he said.
Hang on … I heard those words before. Yes, the book of Revelations – King James Bible Version to be precise.
After talking to him for more than half an hour, I realised that he had not answered any of the questions I put to him, and kept talking in circles. I again showed him the door – this time less politely. After he left, I sat pondering on some of the things he said. I realised that most of the good fortunes he apparently foretold are actually synopses of various fairy tales! When he told me that I should build my house with bricks so that it does not get blown away by the wind, he must have had the story of the evil bad wolf and the three little pigs in mind. As for the nonsense about a princess that lies in waiting for me … my God! Was he quoting the story of the frog that became prince charming and married a princess?
That was it; never will I allow this man into my sight again. I will stick to my horoscope for now. My star (Sagittarius) told me that as a rider on a white horse, I would conquer the universe of my articulation and bestow all credit due to the abandonment of evil in a tranquil mood. I should be the ruler of my castle and take charge of my destiny, and fate awaits the emancipation of true character and providence …
I didn’t know what that meant, but it sure sounded better than the lame stories that Pinocchio tried to suck out of his thumb.