Signs of Wealth

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Charles Tjatindi

The ever-increasing prices of commodities make it almost impossible for anybody to survive. Thanks to our beloved Government, certain products have been made cheaper through VAT exemption.

OK, now that we have that out of the way, let us address the real issue at hand. You see, there were times in the not-too-distant past when flashing around your wallet, or at least its content showed how wealthy you are. Ja, those were the times when driving your Toyota Hilux 2.4Diesel to Omaheke every weekend reflected your style of life – your wealth!

Sadly, as with all good things, those days are all gone. The bank has repossessed the Toyota after running out of excuses, and the content of the wallet is nothing but the beautiful passport photos of your better half and your love child! I guess I am not the only one finding myself in this situation. If you can relate to this, read on, as I reveal to you the magic, the best kept secret on attaining “artificial’ wealth.

1. Never wear brand names
As tempting as it is, steer clear of the Levi’s Diesel, and what have you. You see, whenever you wear a brand name, people recognise it almost instantly. You become an overnight hero. The problem, however, crops in when you are seen cladding the same brand name outfit for more than one day. You will be turned into an instant villain: “that guy only has that one pair of pants!”

2. Choose your hang-out spots
Since you cannot afford Mugg and Bean, and you fail to get a discount at Cattle Baron even after explaining that your father owns a lot of cattle in the Omaheke, try hanging out at places where others hang out. It’s as simple as that. The Otjikaendu Den in Luxury Hills is one such place. You see, all the intellectuals hang out at that place. To be seen there would mean that you still have what it takes to mingle. The best part is that you can basically buy the whole place out – that’s how cheap eateries and drinks are.

3. Get a skorokoro
Have you ever wondered when you drive around Katutura why every second house has an old and rusted car standing on bricks? Well, my friend, that is one of magic’s best moments! You see, these cars represent how wealthy the person was in “his day”.

To the untrained eye, a person having a 1968 Mercedes Benz (like the one I drive) in his backyard would mean that he once owned it – and was probably the talk of town at that stage.

4. Have parties and get-togethers at your friend’s place
Never have parties at your place! OK, for this one, you have to pay attention! Here is the scenario – you and a couple of friends come together for a house party, you all contribute to the drinks and snacks -
that’s all good. What the ordinary person does not see, however, is what happens after the party! How do I explain this – it’s much easier to explain how to pull a rabbit out of a hat. OK, by the time you wake up the next morning – an empty fridge will be greeting you – there I said it! Your friends will drink and feast on their snacks, but among them there will be someone who apparently needs to take her medication and need a whole chicken for that! In the words of one famous song – “By the time the night is over” – you will be literally as broke as hell, at least food wise.

Well, in the interest of space and time, I have to wind up here. Watch this space as I reveal more secrets of popular magicians to you, in the coming weeks. You see, there are many ways to kill a cat. You could wish it to die or you could run it over with a 1968 Mercedes Benz, and place the car on bricks thereafter as a souvenir. Now, please turn to the next page and read on as we reveal to you – Namibia’s best-kept happenings.
Eewa!

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