The Ordinary Namibian Man!

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Charles Tjatindi

I RECENTLY met with a group of traditional peers (Omakura) and we discussed a myriad of topics. As there was no woman around, we could actually reveal our true feelings concerning the women in our lives.

Someone would say, “Mine keeps asking me if she looks fine in her pink dress … I just say yes even if I can see that the zipper on the back of the skirt is clinging on for dear life…”

Another remarked “… her cooking taste like engine oil, but I would kiss her on the cheek and tell her how good the food tasted.”

Soon after the talk about women was exhausted, we moved to more serious conversation. The question of what kind of man is acceptable to society cropped up. Some said a man has to have temper – that’s what they teach you at the Omaheke College of Traditional Lessons. Others, including some lady friends of mine that I consulted thought it better if a man is more caring and can show affection. Personally, I had no idea what to think, so I drew up a checklist for men. Look at the checklist below, and see what kind of man are you:

You are a modern man if…

1. You take your kids to a farm on holidays, as opposed to the ‘oresevate’ (village).

2. Your kids are more fluent in English than their mother language. In fact, in most instances, they know what a paradox is, but have no idea what their Otjiherero names mean.

3. You drive an SUV, stay in Pionierspark because of the noise they make in Katutura, and visit your mother only once a month even though she stays in Windhoek and is sickly.

4. You answer your cell by saying your surname.

5. Even though you are married, you will often be spotted at Chez Ntemba grooving the night away with your left hand firmly placed on the bosom of a 16-year-old.

6. You call yourself a weekend farmer from Omaheke, but when asked where your plot is located, you point north of Brakwater.

7. You enjoy “The Gardener’s Daughter”, and would even talk about it at work the next day, as opposed to last night’s soccer match between Italy and South Africa.

If any of the above is true, then you are definitely a modern man. Now, for those that do not fall in this category, take a look at the following list.

You are old school if…

1. You know exactly how much in coins you have in your back pockets.

2. Your favourite snack consists of the “red guava juice”, half-brown bread, 1-littre coke, and peppermint rolls.

3. You wear a pink shirt with green trousers, and red shoes at the same time.

4. You tuck in your shirt while wearing sandals.

5. You work a nine-to-five job, go home, shout at the kids, argue with the wife, snore to death, and return to work the next day with the same shirt you had on the previous day.

6. You read newspapers upside-down, and then laugh loudly at the picture of someone “drowning”!

7. You tell a joke and end up laughing alone.

Please compare the two lists, and decide which one best describes you. If you fall in the middle, don’t bother to explain – we will know where you belong.

Eewa!

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