Sorry Ngo! A social commentary John Ekongo Following the success of the name profiles that Difficult Unsolved Matters Brilliant (DUMB) Solutions provided to the nation a fortnight ago, female friends approached the consultancy and suggested that perhaps DUMB Solutions comes up with a descriptive listing of the various type of men available for dating in Namibia. We obliged without hesitation. Lady peers have mourned that they have found it extremely difficult in which categories to rank the brothers. So here you go ladies, we hope after this you will make an informed decision on which brother you think can be deemed fit for your dating pleasure. The Sugar daddy; kamboroto, is actually the original name. He is a big spender, good job, nice car and overstocks on Viagra most of the time. Stay away if you looking for long-term. They only come in short term Confusionist brother, this is the black brother who listens to classical music, believes in healthy lifestyle, has replaced soccer with yoga classes, cooks good but, simply just complicated. Good for one thing only – knows how to spoil a woman. Spoilt brother, as name suggests they are usually the sons of Kambaroto’s. Everything he owns belongs to daddy. When broke, he stays home until dad gets square with him. Advice, he is a poor planner, no future if you want marriage ladies. Have it all brother, you can miss them – he is all over town, mostly graduates on career roller-coaster ride. Likes anything that has 18 inches of wheel on the cars, flashy cellphones. Lives in trendy cool places. Subscribes to Men’s Health, and wears Pringle Golf T-shirt, and if you ask him what is his handy cap, he has no clue. If you the type of lady who likes status and the bling, he is the one. Warning, month end there hardly remains any salary because of the extravagant lifestyle you know. Keeping up appearances does not come cheap. Soft brother, otherwise known as mamma’s boy. Okay the good chap will watch the Gardener’s Daughter with you but knows nothing about cars. He will even agree with you if you make a comment that Jamie Olivier is good looking in front of him. Cooking skills sharp, but you can’t get much of a conversation out of this dude. Moans too much about everything in his past. He can be devoted, but if beloved mommy decides to come by, pack your bags and leave. You are no match for the softy’s mother. White-black brother culturally influenced. Was usually the broke white boy amongst his skin colour, albeit with the blacks he somehow seemed alright, got bucked on kwaito music, first girlfriend was a black sister and like they say once you go black you can’t go back. The wanna be, my nigger brother. The most embarrassing brother ever, false American accent, likes wearing oversized baggy pants with protruding underwear. Uses vulgar language and considers it cool. So ladies this is a no-go area, stay away. The violent brother, was raised in the ghetto, uses fists instead of brains. Will punch the living daylights out of you, only to say I am sorry later. Chances he touched you once, he is going to do it again. So for your safety do not attempt to date or your life is in great danger. The average brother, on a good day he can be the best man you ever met. On a bad day he can be the worst excuse of a man you have ever seen in your entire life. Good for so may things and equally has a bad reputation, contrary to a player this is the original recipe, the player’s player. The Pan-Africanist Brother, politically charged brother. To qualify you must be a card-carrying member of the ruling party, your membership with Pacon fully paid and you should have read, “Where others wavered” completely. Otherwise you won’t be getting any conversation out of this brother. Difficult Unsolved Matters Brilliant Solutions takes pride in the service we provide to the nation. But in the same fold we urge all clients to be extremely cautious when choosing which brother as listed here appears to be the one for your needs. However, as a cautionary advice we urge you to try all brothers before coming to a rightful decision. On the safe side though we are not to be held liable for break-ups or damage that arises as a result of this extremely valuable service. As we say, Solve It with Dumb Solutions – the rest is up to you. Happy dating and now this is a nice sorry ngo.
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