Are We There Yet?

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Neville Basson By the time you sinners in Windhoek read this I have been out in 22 degrees Swakopmund now for the past week and a half, ha! ha! ha! You see, there is just no way that there can be so much heat over there in Windhoek if you people over there disappointed God throughout the year! But then again, don’t be so envious towards me because I am experiencing my own little hell over here. You see, I really believe that I have worked my butt off this year. There were so many things that I had to deal with on a daily basis throughout this year…shitty police, aai sorry I mean City Police , Special Field Force, Mshasho vs GMP, presidents’ portraits, bank overdrafts, bounced cheques, school fees, support money, angry kamborrotos, etc! And the list just seems to be going on and on and on. So as to the extent that you just wanna hang yourself on the next available tree with a piece of bubblegum! So I thought …let me go to Swakop, and rest! First up, get the kids in the car and start driving….we get to Okahandja and my son starts asking the question that I dread him asking the whole way…….daddy , are we there yet? I said: ”No son….we are quite far from Swakop but I will tell you the moment we get there.” We get to Swakop….next question….daddy, when are we going to Dolphin Park? I said: ”Listen here okay….we will get there after I had a bit of a rest okay?” “Okay daddy I’m sorry … the thing is just ..uh..umm. I just wanna know quickly when we are going then I will leave you alone … I swear daddy.” “Okay son, we will go tomorrow around 12h00.” Next day we off to Dolphin Park…daddy why is Dolphin Park so far from Swakop? “No son…it’s not far …it’s just around the corner …why are you asking?” “No dad you see, I don’t want us to arrive there too late then we don’t have enough time to swim….but daddy, can I ask you one more thing quickly.. I swear I will not bother you again…when are we gonna eat…because I am scared that after we swim at Dolphin Park we might be hungry then there might not be any food to eat..soo..uh..um I just wanna know maybe you could just tell us what we will be eating ok?” You see by this time my eyes was so red of anger I could have scared the devil himself: “Look here okay, don’t worry about anything…I will take care of everything!” Next question: ”Daddy, could we go find out what the prices of the quad bikes are because we would like to go on them.” “Guys, could we do that tomorrow because it is almost dark and you guys were swimming the whole day and just had a lot to eat…I promise we’ll get to it tomorrow.” “Okay daddy…sorry daddy, what do we eat for breakfast tomorrow because I see there is no food here in the fridge?” “No son, we are on holiday..we might have breakfast at a restaurant tomorrow morning …..so it’s fine.” “Sorry daddy…which one?” “F*(*k!, slaap asseblief nou!” Okay, for about an hour you hear them in the room: ”Stop touching me!” “No, you touched me first …give back my blanket!” My only consolation that I have is to watch George Bush on CNN getting his ass kicked in Iraq …that makes me sleep a bit better. Next morning, “Morning daddy.. I hope you did not forget that I reminded you last night that we will be hungry when we get up and that you must go and find out how much does the quad bikes cost?” ”No son, I did not forget.” “Well daddy, we discussed it in bed last night and we decided that we would like to have Kentucky for breakfast.” I said: ”Over my dead body! I don’t care how on holiday we are …we will have cornflakes, toast etc for breakfast!” Needless to say people …. that’s how my whole week has been. I should be back in Windhoek Saturday morning first thing …. make an appointment to go see my doctor… think I have developed a blood pressure. If one of you guys happen to see me in Windhoek on Saturday morning you are dead if you ask me: ”So Neville…how was your holiday? Merry Christmas everybody, may God bless!”