Waar Was Julle?

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Motjavi Neville Basson I would just like to take this opportunity to congratulate Quinton van Rooyen (ja man, dis Quinton se plek!) on being listed on the Namibian Stock Exchange! As a friend I think you’ve done quite well for yourself Boertjie! May your company employ more people, but please no comrades, okay? Ha!ha!ha! Talking about Boertjie, a few weeks ago Namibia attempted to break the Boerewors record that is being held by Australia, maar nee we obviously could not break the blerrie record! Why? I think every Namibian out there must ask himself the question … why did we not break the record? What did I do on that specific day that we fell about 150 people short. You see, I don’t know what seems to be the problem, but I believe that somebody must take the blame for this one! Aggh you see…I don’t care if you people think that I am suffering from some colonial hangover, but let’s blame the whites ones again for not breaking this record. I was looking around after the disappointment and I needed to find someone or something to blame for falling 150 short: “Gert, waar was julle huh? Why did you people not come to the world’s biggest braai? What was so important on that specific day that you blerrie people could not come to the braai huh?” Gert: “Kyk Neville, as corrupt as you blerrie blacks are, why did you not just write another 150 on the don*(&erse piece of paper and you would have had your blerrie record huh? You people really think those blerrie kangaroos would actually come and check whether the correct procedure was followed in order to win this title huh? Aggh nee man, stop thinking like baboons!” I said: “Baboons, what’s that supposed to mean huh?” Gert: “Ag my maat, it’s just a blerrie joke man okay?” I said: “Nee Gert, this is not a joke, okay? We were standing there in the sun the whole bloody day eating ourselves stupid in order for Namibia, yes Namibia Gert … to break this record! You people were mos at your buitepos farms again watching Die bulle on dstv!” “You see, I felt so good telling Gert nonsense I actually came up with a few reasons they probably had why they could not make it to the world’s biggest braai 1. They must have thought there were enough black people at the stadium so they don’t need to come to Kata-touks! What they don’t realize is that we could not pay for all those taxis going to the stadium! 2. Ja nee, as I said … the Bulls were playing that day … so hoe te do7*^ner will they be missing a blerrie game! 3. My ouma was siek (His grandmother was sick). Good excuse! We all know your parents have a lot of money … it’s more likely you were only there to convince her to put you in her last will! 4. Too much biltong and Klippies (Klipdrift) aggravated his gout! He could not walk, so could not make it to the stadium! Okay … we believe this one! 5. Katutura is too dangerous. Nonsense man! The City Police declared Dolam as the safest neighbourhood in Katutura …followed by Vambo lokasie! Gulp………. So asseblief tog, julle boere …including my friends, the next time Sam Nujoma stadium calls you … please act like it is the man himself speaking. That should get you motivated to get yourself there. You know, all of the above would have gone down quite well if this boy of mine did not ask in front of Gert: “Now daddy, why did we not go to the world’s biggest braai?” Blik&*em…….