Shopping for Perfect Mate


Eewa!! Elvis Mboya Being a bachelor is not easy nor is marriage, so I heard. Married couples will always put on a smiling face for the public to know how their marriage is the best thing since Romeo and Juliet, whilst behind the scenes some few honest ones will tell how they are bored out of their minds. On the other hand, singles too are fed up with loneliness. However, new trends show that most of them only date during the winter season for obvious reasons. They argue that commitments have become costly especially if you happen to have a mate who thinks KFC is a new definition for home kitchen or shopping at Woolworths is a hobby. So, as one of the ‘Bachelorhood Club’ members, I occasionally join my colleagues at our favourite corner as we download Land of the Brave’s taste the good times. However, this time around the agenda became more exciting as members debated on how they can amend the ladies’ (the dotcom Lewinsky’s) unwritten rule of ‘3Cs’ (Cash, Car and Cell phone). They argue that it is discriminative since brothers don’t have rules at all and are more accommodative. I could not agree with them more when one member poured his heart out on how sisters apply double standards when choosing mates. Here is the extract of the story: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, a ‘Husband Store’ opened where women could go to choose a husband or mate from among many men. It was laid out on different floors, with men increasing in positive quality and traits as you ascended. The only rule for the store was once you opened the door to any floor, you had to choose a man from that floor. If you went up a floor you could not go back down except to leave the place never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the new shop to finds husbands… Ground Floor: The door had a sign saying, ‘these men are young some in college, are unemployed but are sexy, energetic and outgoing with no strings attached.’ The ladies said, ‘Okay mama boy, see you when you and your bank account grow up.’ So up they went. Mezzanine Floor: The door had a sign saying, ‘these men are young, don’t have stable jobs but are sexy, energetic and outgoing and ready to love.’ The ladies said ‘So, lover boy, will I eat your love?’ So up they went. First Floor: The door had a sign saying, ”these men are young, have jobs, sexy, energetic, outgoing and ready to love.’ The women read the sign and said, ‘Well, that’s better than not having a job and not loving, but I wonder what’s further up?’ so up they went. Second Floor: The sign read, ‘these men have high paying jobs, live alone in up market own flats, have sport cars, are loving and handsome.’ ‘Hmmm!’ said the ladies, ‘but I wonder what’s further up?’ Third Floor: The sign read, ‘These men have high paying jobs, big houses and cars. They are handsome, love kids and help with the housework.’ ‘Wow – breathtaking’ said the women, ‘Very tempting.’ But there was another floor, so further up they went. Fourth Floor: This door had a sign saying, ‘These men are the cream of the society including highly paid professionals, business executives and lawmakers. They can offer a comfortable home, are extremely good looking, will hire house help so that you don’t need to dirty your nails – and yes, money is not a problem only spending. They have a strong romantic streak and will provide economic security for kids and you.’ ‘Oh mercy meÃÆ’Æ‘ÂÂÃÆ’ÂÀÃ…¬ÃÆ’ÂÃ’šÂ¬Ã‚Ânow we are talking.’ They cried, ‘Just think what must be awaiting us further on girls!’ So up the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor: The sign on that door said, ‘this floor is empty and only exists to prove that women are impossible to please. You have less than sixty seconds to leave the building. Exit to your left; we hope you fall down the stairs.’ Food for thought.