God Bless America

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John Ekongo Not that I’m saying the American punditocracy is hysterical or paranoid, but I thought to bring it on the other side of the light, that the richest nation on earth can sometimes have reckless moments when it comes to satire. Now if you having a heck of a time trying to decipher what I am saying. Consider this for laughs. We lost a planet from our solar system sometime early this month and even that couldn’t get Jon Benet Ramsey off the front page. Talk about lack of respect for a celestial body! I had a very stout and bulky rugby playing gentleman as a teacher for geography. I succinctly remember that he gave me a hiding because I could not name all the planets in the solar system. I was quite sure that it was Pluto, and I am so certain that I did not deserve that punishment because I was right all along, Pluto is no planet. I grew up being told that there were nine planets in the solar system. It wasn’t as big a deal as knowing all the words to “Die Stem”, but it was big on any educator’s list of basic facts that most students should know back then. But to Mr Block it was just as important. If you could name the planets in order from Mercury, which is closest to the sun, out to Pluto, you were really doing well. If you could name all the moons, of which Pluto has three so far, you were into serious geekhood. Pluto, which was “discovered” in 1930, was so much a part of our culture that Mickey Mouse (a creation of the ’30s himself) had a dog named for the ninth planet. I never did figure out why Goofy, also a dog, happened to be Mickey’s pal and knew how to talk but Mickey kept Pluto as a pet. I guess that might have been the first hint that the outermost outer planet might not belong to our world. Now, I have observed that the yanks are in the industry of stripping names, cause if you think Pluto was the first casualty, think again. Remember the French, all the hootching that went about when the French refused to be partners in Iraq? For their stubbornness the French got stripped of the title of “French Fries” and it became Liberty Fries with the full blessing of President Bush. Say what…I figured. Can anybody tell me what becomes of the Sacred Statue of Liberty? God bless America and grab yourself some Liberty Fries at McDonalds and a coke (I mean soda). So if Pluto gets stripped what about some other issues, besides can the ingenious okes from down under please tell us then that Australia – is it a continent or an island? Or Ireland and Northern Ireland, which one is British and has the Royal Irish Constabulary Force? Since we are jacking up on all things American. Do you remember the Monica Lewinsky debacle and Senator Bill Clinton? “I have never had any sexual relationship with that woman.” Later it was the apologies, but Senator Bill is a good guy, it was just an oversight. Of course Ellen DeGenneres, Bill Cosby and Chris Rock all had a part to play. Before long I can shut my eyes and become sane again. Then comes the first democratically court appointed President, yeah you guessed right; Bush. I don’t remember well. But it was something like Al Gore won but the courts thought Bush did well, something like that …yeah, hey we’ve got ourselves the 47th President all the way from Texas ya’all. Now in Texas you get everything right, from betting with dead patients to marrying your pet, so we figured well Texas is one true shining star. So the Bush administration from Texas mind you, decides to be generous, and their Department of Agriculture gigantically offers to provide GM-MM (not General Motors) but Genetically Modified Maize meal to the brothers from Zambia, at no cost. So Mr Levy Mwanawasa goes: “Thank you very much President Bush, but we know we facing drought and hunger but I think we can manage. However, we will gladly accept the maize and divert it for our livestock-feeding program in Monze in the southern province of our country, if you don’t mind Sir.” After all this I doubt if Bin Laden really exists, but I guess we just have to wait until they announce the next press conference. Eewa.