Ladies, Beware of the Biezniez Man

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Neville Basson Okay, to all women…we are back! I will love you now more than ever…there is no woman that I will love more than you! I swear…I solemnly swear that I will not let Zinedine Zidane interfere with my marriage/relationship ever again! You see guys, if I were you I would look at the above oath and obey this for the next four years…at least till the next World Cup. She should believe your stupid oath…of course why wouldn’t she, it’s football we are talking about here okay? Ja nee, I was quite shocked to read in our local daily the other day at what rate men are still flocking to our country to come and marry our beautiful women…in the name of Namibian citizenship! I am really sick and tired of this bloody practice because our women just don’t seem to get it. You see I am tired of always being “the accused” by Namibian women. I asked a girlfriend (friend okay) of mine the other day…Jacky love, what seems to be the problem with you women always running after foreign men just to be disappointed the next day once he has received his permanent residence documentation huh?” Jacky: “You see Neville, I am sick and tired of you Namibian men who blame us for running to these foreign men. Namibian men are either married or gay, so what’s a sista to do huh?” I said: “Huh? Gay? Well uh…uh…well…uh…you see I am very sorry that you feel this way about us okay? But I am just asking you my dear, why cant can’t you just screen these Mbongoros and Dos Santos’ wherever they are coming from to make sure he marries you for love and for nothing else my dear. It’s quite heartbreaking to hear and see our women taken for a ride like that all the time huh?” Jacky: “No you see Neville, I understand that you sound kammastag concerned about our plight but I just think that you need to mind your own business…we are happy with our underworld foreigners, wherever they are coming from…at least they keep my mother’s kitchen cupboards full of food!” I said: “Well uh… okay…then my dear Jacky… I hope you live happily ever after with Luis Figo…or whatever his name is.” Now you see…there is not much that me as a Namibian man can do about Jacky’s chronic case of ignorance, but if there happens to be anything a Namibian man can do to warn all you ladies from these religious refugees, financial traders etc, let brother Neville give you a few tips on what to check out for before you say yes to these guys: Ladies, please…please make sure that when you date a foreigner you know at least what his real name is! These guys come here with all kinds of names…as soon as meme Shikongo at Home Affairs signed his documents you realize that the name on the doc is different from the one he gave you when he asked you out for a drink at The Brazilian coffee shop! Make sure that he’s got a legitimate job offer or business here in Namibia! I am tired of these guys who come here, if you ask them what they do the only thing they tell you… is: “I’m a biezniez man!” No more ladies, no more! If he can’t even get a job at the local carwash then something is wrong…seriously wrong! If he checks his nose all the time in the mirror, be aware that he checks if there’s any white powder left in his nostrils (cocaine)! If he refuses to go with you to Maerua Mall on Saturdays, he either has a kamoborroto he is trying to avoid or he is scared he might be bumping into an immigration official! So ladies please, pas tog maar auf! Mbye mbye!

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