Sokka for life!

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By Neville Basson All you people out there, if you don’t have a blue thumb then I will not be able to talk to you! I would like to thank the Ministry of Health for the very successful immunization campaign! I just wish those memes at Home Affairs would go for a few customer service courses at Health to see how you work with clientele! Well, I am quite satisfied how the African teams have done in this World Cup. The only team that really disappointed me up until now must surely be Togo. The ongoing in-fights over money, which have become part and parcel of African football, definitely played a role in the performance of the team. I still remember with great anger how money issues before a tournament some years ago wrecked our chances of becoming Cosafa Cup champions. I was so proud of Ghana bouncing those cheques, uh sorry …I mean those Czechs last week. Now as usual there are some few disgruntled individuals from the “other side of the fence” who cant stomach a good game of football. Van Staden came to me and complained at the amount of football there is on TV now. Van Staden: “Nee Neville, genoeg is genoeg! There is .. are .. is too many blerrie football on TV these days!” I said: “But Van Staden, change the channel to Kyknet … flieke sonder brieke .. or something!” “Nee .. oh .. no, you see .. ever since I don’t get the allowance from the National Party from South Africa anymore for military service during the war with you blerrie people I can’t afford M-Net.” “Sorry Koos … uh .. it’s DSTV now … we’ve moved on!” Van Staden: “Jy sien Neville, soccer is so boring anyway .. I don’t know how you people would sit there for so long watching a tit for tat game waiting for the ball to go in! Rugby is the sport you blerrie people should watch. You have a score on the board every 10 minutes!” I said: “You see Van Staden, that’s the difference between us. Black people try anything and everything. We play cricket, rugby and soccer. “I bet I know more about cricket and rugby than you know about soccer. Chances are that the first ball you bought your child is a rugby ball?” Van Staden: “Ja! Did you think I would buy him a blerrie soccerball?” I said: “Jy sien Koos, that’s why you lost the war against us .. you refuse to know who we are, what we do, why shebeens and taxis are there and why we naturally speak so loud. “We studied you all our lives … speak your language, do your sports, learn your traditions etc. “That was the only way Sam Nujoma and Nelson Mandela could beat you … maar nee, you are too scared that you’ll turn black if you watch football!” Van Staden: “Uh .. umm. well uh you have a point there … but I still think rugby and cricket is better.” I said: “Better? Hallo? Lets look at cricket, way way too boring … you even break for tea! “No matter how bad a team plays in cricket, if there’s bad weather like rain, they could easily win if match is abandoned!” Teach your children soccer Van Staden … maybe with all the movement that they have to learn they just might become better dancers at the school party … since rhythm is not very high on your repertoire! All you football lovers, keep the love burning! Mbye mbye!