Don’t get Zuma’d!

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Neville Basson Okay, we lost fair and square. Let’s just leave it at that okay? The team played well under the circumstances with 10 men but against a potent attack like Barca there was no way that you would be able to defend for that long. Jealousy down, E’too is just good and that’s it. Surprisingly I only got a nasty sms from Laz on Wednesday night – where were all you Henry haters, huh? You see, whatever is the truth that transpired between Zuma and “that woman”, I can’t comment on, okay? I cannot sit here and claim that it was rape or consensual sex. Only they know what really happened that night. I am just baffled by Zuma’s understanding of HIV. You see, if I am very honest with you today, I am very pessimistic about the prospect of a cure for HIV in my lifetime. I am looking at my sons every day very quietly, wondering whether I would ever have the blessing of becoming a grandfather one day. I never had a period in my personal life that I really had to look at myself in the mirror and question my sexual conduct on a daily basis. Nevertheless, there was always that once or twice … or uh … well uhm, three times that you did some stupid thing that made you say: “Okay Neville, stop it! You kept on telling yourself Aggh man, I am a teenager … I must enjoy my life so what!” I am afraid to say that my boys will not have that opportunity if a cure for HIV is not found soon enough. Just because I am not HIV positive today does not mean that I might not go “Zuma” one day and do something stupid that puts me and my family at risk. Being a public figure or being well known does not guarantee that I don’t pick up this dreaded disease. And that is exactly what angers me about Zuma! You see, people in South Africa, or even the whole of Africa look up to leaders like Zuma, trust their judgement and to some extent we define ourselves through these leaders. You see, I can have a kamborroto today, be intimate with her, the condom breaks, I contract HIV and only blame myself for getting involved with someone else in the first place. But to knowingly have unprotected sex with someone you know might pose a danger to you is just downright stupid! You know what? As depressing as HIV can be there are quite funny myths about the disease that just border on outright stupidity on how our people would sit in front of you and justify unprotected sex. Here follows a couple of stupid myths about this disease. And please people, like the World Wrestling Entertainment says, “Don’t try this at home!” Zuma says: “After sex, please take a shower guys, it will cleanse you of HIV immediately!” Okay, this foolish man forgot to tell us what soap to use – Sunlight or Lifebuoy? Have sex between 02h00 and 04h00 in the morning. HIV is kammastag “asleep” at the time. Well uhm, some men can’t get an erection that time of the morning can some of you who make these statements please ask HIV to push this to 06h00-07h00 in the morning when most of us are “ready”. After sex, mix Jik detergent with a little bit of water, you will be cleared of HIV in a week, hallo? Circumcised men cannot contract HIV because they have no “velletjie”. Bliksem! You know how many of my friends are dead today of the disease that I knew were circumcised? Yes I know they were circumcised because as primary school boys we used to compare size in the school toilet. Come on okay, we did not have Playstation in 1982, okay? Have sex with a toddler and it will cure you of HIV. I hope God create babies that will make your little “willy” fall off just by thinking of raping a baby! If Zuma did in fact have unprotected sex with this woman he better come for a test here at one of our New Start Centres in Namibia, something must be wrong with that Zulu equipment they are using in South Africa. As much as I love the man as a freedom fighter I am really angry with him for making such statements. A stupid horny man can easily believe your bullsh&*^t! Mbye mbye.