Tender Documents, please!

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Matjauvi Neville Basson You know, there was nothing as touching as reading in yesterday’s daily how much remorse Mbakondja expressed towards his family and the public for whatever he may have done wrong. I was also deeply touched by his father who unconditionally forgave him for whatever he has done wrong. Keeping in mind that we also make mistakes on a daily basis, I really think the courts should cut MBakondja some slack now, keeping in mind that the brother has been incarcerated now for more than five years already. Good luck, brother! Sooooo! Angelina and Brad will be having their baby here in Namibia? Wow, that’s good news! This is the first time ever in our history that so much attention is directed towards us as a nation. I think this would do our tourism a lotta good. Can you imagine Arnold, Eddie Murphy, Ben Affleck, etc. going to Khorixas on holiday? Would that not be excellent? Now you see, what’s very amazing to me is the fact that they are considering giving their baby a Namibian name. Well, uh, I am quite proud to be honest with you that some Hollywood stars want to come here to our beautiful country and bestow a Namibian name on one of their offspring! You see, I am just a bit cautious, our cultures differ so much from each other in this country that I can’t even sit here and guess what kind of name they will give to their child. You see, I know that “Brangelina” can only make that decision themselves but I am just a bit scared that the decision of what name the child must get will be decided now again by some comrade. In the spirit of good corporate governance “Brangelina” must send out a tender next week so that all the different tribes in the country give their suggestion of a name. I am just scared Governor Samuel Nuuyoma might just tell them what name he thinks the child must have. Let’s look at a few names that the child can have that would really give the child a Namibian feel. Let’s just assume now that it will be a boy, okay? Jerome Quintin Pitt: No! No! No! We have enough Khomasdal names running around our beloved country. The poor child might just turn Coloured and start hanging in front of Club Remix Saturday afternoons! We have been trying to stop the drinking culture. Johannes Paulus Pitt: I believe that the Finnish missionaries did enough damage in the north by making black people believe that Jewish names would give us a passport to heaven. I am not sure whether Pohamba or Shafishuna are authentically Oshiwambo, if they are fine! We will include a Swapo membership card with the birth certificate! X!anub Witbooi Pitt: Okay, as much as “Aboetie Hendrik” would be proud of this, I don’t think it would be in the interest of Tseiblaagte in Keetmanshoop. I just want to ask Brad and Angelina not to take X!anub to Keetmans, they might bump into one of those people who claim that they are family. Ask me, every Nama in the south with a Basson surname claims that I am from Vaalgras! Kuzatjike Karumendu Pitt: The child might just develop a gout problem the moment you give him a Herero name. Enough said. Simasiku Pitt: Now that would be very dangerous! This child might be influenced by all these Simataas, Mutumbas and Simasikus that he is actually not Namibian, but Caprivian – so that won’t work either. Nevertheless people, please submit your tender documents for the Brad and Angelina Pitt project as soon as possible. They might just decide to run to South Africa and name the child “Madiba”. Mbye mbye!