See You Next Year – At the Stadium

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MATJAVI Neville Basson First and foremost, we would like to say “sharp-sharp” to Jafet Uutoni who showed that white boy how to make a proper English breakfast at the Commonwealth games! These are the things that make a brother proud to be Namibian! I came to the office last week, quite rested after the day off on Independence Day. It is normal practice to exchange on who did what on Independence Day. Yes! I was at home watching Comrade Pohamba speaking. Why I did not go to the stadium – uh, well, that we can discuss in Katutura. What do you think white people will be thinking if I tell them I did not take part in the Independence celebrations, huh? So I lied, – okay – just a little. I asked Van Staden at my office what he did for the day. I knew that he would become quite defensive if I take him to task about the issue so I guess he was ready for me. Van Staden: “Kyk Ne-ville, you blerrie people don’t even consider us on Independence day. Julle maak of hierdie land net aan julle behoort! I am very gatvol about this, okay? I was having a braaivleis at my house instead.” “I said: “Maar Van Staden, it’s not that we don’t want you there – you never offer to come to the stadium – you see it’s because of Boers like you that this country is not changing!” Van Staden: “Hoor wie praat! Who are you to tell me that, huh? “Do you know how many drunk black people I saw walking in the streets on that day, huh? huh? Praat nou!” I said: “Well uh … I don’t think it was Namibians. Must be tourists from Botswana or Zimbabwe who were here on holiday, so we can’t confirm that, okay?” So Van Staden, I am willing to speak to Comrade Pohamba to draft all of you into next year’s Independence celebrations. Let’s look at a couple of things the Boers can do to keep themselves busy on Independence day at the stadium: We promise to have a big screen at the next Independence celebrations in case there is some miscellaneous Super 14 game playing. We can unfortunately not guarantee that any South African team will win – want kyk soos dit deesdae met julle gaan. We will also require you to sign an indemnity agreement that you won’t blame Sam Nujoma or the quota system if your teams do badly on Independence Day. We will ask Gazza, The Dogg and Ndilimani to at least give Koos Kombuis 10 minutes to perform, okay? Due to time constraints and reasons we can’t discuss now, we can’t allow Dozi to perform. Be happy at least, we allow “you blerrie people” to perform “at our” event – of hoe? The Germans are also welcome to attend Independence celebrations next year. We will supply all the Jagermeister you want, just make sure you bring a pen with you so you can sign off the amount Riruako wants once you have had too much to drink! Just be reminded that during the fireworks we do a lot of hugging and kissing with people we don’t know, so don’t be alarmed if “Ou Zoks” might wanna kiss your woman with his Punya Punya breath! We will do all of this for you next year under one condition, stop talking about corruption! Mbye mbye.