Good Advice


Neville Basson Ja, I wish you people would say something now! Huh? Huh? Yes, Arsenal is the only English team that qualified for the quarters this week. So all you Liverpool “sappotas” from Khomasdal, all you 11h55 Chelsea “sappotas” plus all you Man-United t-shirt holders from Ovambo lokasie, bleeeeed slowly! Well, to get back to more serious matters now. I read an article in one of our local dailies – I think around two weeks ago that Chief Riruako is becoming the personal advisor of Comrade Pohamba now. I can’t confirm to all the Hereros in Herero lokasie that the Chief has jumped ship to Swapo now. That is really his business. Besides, the Mbanderus are claiming that they have nothing to do with the Hereros (can somebody please come and explain to me what is the “dieffarens” between a Herero and a Mbanderu and in the same breath tell me the “dieffarens” between a Baster and a Coloured?). To get back to my point – I want to tell all the Hereros not to panic, okay. All the Karumendus, Kozonguizis, Theopoldine and Alexandrines must just take a chill pill to see what the benefits could be if the Chief is in fact becoming the personal advisor of his Excellency. It would be wrong of you people not to look at the profit story here, because you never know what might be in store for the Herero nation. Let’s just hope that the Chief in fact took up the offer from comrade Pohamba. Here are a few Herero advantages for all of you should the Chief agree: Chief, convince the President that there is a gout epidemic coming to the SADC region! Convince the President that we need to cut our defence budget in order to buy enough gout vaccines in order to be ready. Through that you could freely eat onyama ongombe without having to worry about not being able to touch your big toe on Monday mornings on your way to work! Convince the President that all official vehicles must be changed to Isuzu bakkies. If you happen to get caught driving an official government vehicle (with cattle) by those “unscrupulous” elements of the Republikein newspaper, you could tell them that the cattle are destined for an official function in Otjinene! Force the President to lift the moratorium on AgriBank loans, for Hereros only. Convince him that only Hereros know what proper farming is all about! Make sure that the whole of Hochfeld is allocated to the “Motjavis”! If white people could pay their first premium in 20 years at the Landbank surely we could do it again … of hoe? It is high time that a national holiday should be named after a Herero hero. Let’s start with naming a day after, uhm, let’s see, uhm, Samuel Maharero! Don’t let him be convinced by Tate Kulu that Ipumbu ya Shilongo was a bigger hero! Last but not least, make sure that a calculator is allocated to each and every Herero in this country, in case the deal with the Germans goes through. Good luck, Chief! Mbye mbye.