Diseases to please?


Neville Basson On a serious note, I would like to express my heartfelt sympathy towards the people of Mariental. I can imagine what you have to go through on a daily basis when it starts to rain. Trust me, I know, although I have to admit that I don’t have half the problem that you have. Let’s hope and pray that as much as we need the rain, something like this will not befall you again. Please people, send your smss today! You will be helping each and everyone in Mariental if you happen to send an sms to your kamborroto today! I was sitting with a few friends the other day talking about all kinds of nonsense. What’s nice is to sit with old friends, reminiscing about our days as teenagers. Since I was a teenager from the 80s I still consider the 80s to be the best era! There was just not the social problem that we have today. The only social problem I had in 1987 was to get rid of my virginity, but no girl was willing to help out a brother. I have almost lost my eyesight because of that! I just figured there was no way that Sam Nujoma would liberate this country in 1990 before I lost my virginity! Needless to say, … gulp, … well, uhm, the country is free! Those days we could walk to town and back, walk to Khomasdal to invade the territory of the mulattos, just to anger them! They would be so fed up seeing us in their nightclubs. They would wait for us in every possible river ditch “to beat up those darkies vir eens en altyd”! As a young man you could eat anything and would not care about getting sick. We used to stereotype a lot as youngsters about what kinds of illnesses are synonymous with which tribe. Even today in this country we look at certain chronic illnesses and say: “ja nee, that can only happen to a boer, herero, damara”, etc. Let’s look at a few ailments that seem to be quite peculiar to certain tribes. This is now a bush assessment that was made – maybe it could not be far from the truth. Gout: Let’s be honest now, this is an illness that Hereros are associated with. After a few trips to Riet-fontein “mitiri” Kamburona comes back not able to touch his big toe. I never thought that it was normal to come to work with only one shoe on. Hereros seem to be quite okay with that. Cholesterol: Ja nee my maat, this is a Boere illness! The daily diet of an Afrikaner is quite similar to that of a male Herero! Meat, meat and more meat! After a “lekka braaivleis and klippies met coke”, it’s lights out! High blood pressure: Most of the Coloured friends I have seem to suffer from this one. Why, I don’t know. The only conclusion I can come up with might be the constant trips to Crows Inn bottle store. Constant swearing at someone’s mother might also lead to increased blood pressure. Stop it! Alzheimer’s: This one sounds way too German for me! I suppose some German called Alzheimer forgot where he left his weapon in world war 2! One tot of Jagermeister might bring the memory back. For some strange reason I also think God has Alzheimers, because he keeps on forgetting and forgiving everything that I do wrong. Not that God is German, please! I can’t seem to find a suitable illness for Oshiwambo people, because of their diet! People who live on Cauchuchu fish, mopani worms, and e-kaka hardly get sick. I am still trying to figure out how I can live longer than Lazarus Jacobs. The only option would be to kill him. I don’t think that would help either. Comrade Pohamba’s forces are probably watching CSI on M-Net these days. They might find out. To all Swapo members: eat something! Mbye mbye!