Valentine’s Day

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Neville Basson Well, I hope all of you had a good Valentine’s Day on Tuesday. Since I am a son from the 80s, a lot of you probably remember all the old school slogans that we used to court girls with. How they fell for such crap, I don’t know! Nevertheless it worked all the time. Phrases like “love is a pain no doctor can explain; roses are red, violets are blue – bla, bla, bla! Then they still considered you the most romantic man in Katutura! On the other hand, however, I am unfortunately not a man that ever believed in Valentine’s Day. I can only see Valentine’s Day as this little white boy with a bow and arrow walking around in Katutura, shooting black people in the ass! For some of us with no money it’s always good to write the day off as just another day for white people trying to make money out of us again. The woman who set her ex-boyfriend’s car alight on Valentine’s day in Rundu probably lashed out at the brother because he promised her a trip to the Rundu beach that did not materialise! This thing that men go around making promises that they can’t keep is out. If you know that there’s no way that you can smoke the Valentine’s pipe then please, be like some of us, stay out of it! I can’t remember the last time I had some secret admirer sending me an ipod or a digital camera for Valentine’s day. I mean, uhh, um … just because I am “van die map af” (over 30) does not give kamborrotos the right not to send me anything! There are however a lot of men who feel like me about Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, some of them have to sleep on a couch for the rest of the week. Then, they punish you further by not “giving you anything”. By the end of next week you will be so frustrated that you lose the sight in your left eye! I just thought that since there are so many men out there that stand accused of being unromantic, I have a few tips for you to help you get through this weekend. Trust me, after this your woman will fully understand that Valentine’s Day was nothing but a money-making foofy! Shame on all those unpatriotic men out there who sent flowers and chocolates while some of us were sitting at the office with an exhausted Nampost Smart Card! Here, follow a few excuses for not buying your woman flowers on Valentine’s Day: Sorry honey, uhm, i called Springer chocolate factory and they told me that they are out of stock. Damn! Are you sure you did not get the flowers? Weet jy! Blumenecke promised me that they would deliver before 12h00! Honey, during the liberation struggle, we never exercised these colonial practices. The Central committee is busy reviewing its 1966 policy on “bedroom combat”! President Pohamba declared Valentine’s Day as another form of corruption; didn’t you read it in the paper last week honey? Honey, I really wanted to buy you something, uh, uh, well … I had a better surprise for you…a trip to Cape Town in 2010! Pack your bags! What do you mean why did you not get anything from me? I am married to you! Oops! Can the last man alive in Namibia after this please switch off the lights? Thank you.