Neville Basson Happy New Year to all Namibians. I hope all of you are well rested and are raring to go for this New Year. I just love this time of the year because I can kiss as many women as I want without their husbands or boyfriends being suspicious. Ha! Ha! Ha! If you happen to see me with a blue eye soon you’ll know it was an innocent “happy new year” kiss to someone. Now you see, this is the time of the year that Namibians normally lose their bloody minds with all kinds of New Year resolutions! As far as I know, these things never last. I challenge each and every comrade out there to call me by month-end and tell me that he is still holding up on his new year’s resolution. I am at a point in my life where I just don’t bother with things like that anymore. White people brought these words into our vocabulary, anyway. I honestly don’t think guys like Maharero, Witbooi or Ipumbu ya Shilongo had time for New Year resolutions, taking into account how many problems “ze schutztruppe” gave them! Nevertheless, we did these things to kammastag add some structure to our lives. Some of these things can be quite laughable if you hear what certain people can actually come up with this time of the year. I am asking you not to laugh please, but here are some of the most ludicrous resolutions we could come up with: I will stop drinking this year! Sowaar…I am serious about this one okay? Okay Neville, before I stop, can I just have another glass of beer, okay? Neville, I swear, ernstig this year I will be faithful to my wife. Sowaar, I have stopped my fornicating ways of living since the beginning of January. I love my wife too much and I can’t continue living like this. I am going clean now for sure. Wait, let me just quickly send this last sms – uhm – to my mother! I solemnly swear this year that I will lose weight once and for all! My cholesterol levels are sky-high Neville, and if I continue like this I will not be able to make it through 2006! All these Herero funerals and Oshiwambo weddings made me eat way too much over this past year. Listen Neville, uhm, is Ou Zoks not celebrating his wedding anniversary next weekend? Neville I have taken the decision this year to be a better father to all my children. I will pay the support money on time. My ex-wife doesn’t need to go to court anymore to try and get money out of me. I will take all my children on holiday this year, – ja, I don’t care what my current wife says about it, if she doesn’t like it she must go! I will visit my mother more often this year. This thing that I hardly see her because I stay in Windhoek and she is out at the farm is just not on! You see Neville, you never know how long these people will still be with us, that’s why I will make time to see her! I will try not to get involved in any scams this year. Since we can’t start any investment companies in this country anymore, that road has been completely blocked. I wonder who got that tender…. Well people, look at all these resolutions and compare the level of ridiculousness with your own. Enjoy the rest of 2006…or what’s left of it. Mbye mbye!
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