Merry Christmas Namibia!

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Neville Basson Asseblief tog people, be responsible this weekend! I don’t wanna return on Monday to read stuff about any Namibian on the front page of this newspaper, okay? If you don’t understand what I mean, people’s failures and setbacks land on the front pages of a newspaper and our successes are on the back pages. I guess being an Arsenal supporter things are a bit different this time around. Please, stop sending me those nasty smss about Arsenal, I will put the City Police on you! By the time you read this I am hopefully safely in Swakopmund, spending quality time with my family. By now my kids must have driven me against the wall with their nonsense! Please people, if there is a day-care service where we can just dump our kids in Swakopmund with a sign that says ”arbeit macht frei”, please let me know! Two days there and my children will definitely behave! I know all of you have been sitting with the same fear that I have been having now for the past two weeks – petrol! I have been in a constant panic as to whether our unleaded fuel will last us over the Christmas period. Then again, it would have been a blessing in disguise, because then I don’t have to spend any money to go on holiday. I spoke to a few of my friends in Katutura who did not seem to be very concerned about the situation. At first, I thought that maybe it’s because most of the cars in Herero “lokasie” are moving on the “old” petrol still. But to my shock I found out that it had nothing to do with the 93! Ou Zoks and all the different motor mechanics from Damara “lokasie” sent out a bush telegram through Katutura to explain to people that they really don’t have to fear anything. There are more innovative ways of letting the cars of Katutura move that meets the eye. The bush telegraph contained a few substitutes on petrol if you happen to run out of fuel. Urine: Apparently this is one of the best alternatives for our fuel crisis. Just drink enough water to make sure that when the time comes you will have a 60-litre container with enough “juice”.ÃÆ’Æ‘ÀÃ…ÃÆ”šÃ‚ºÃÆ’Æ‘ÀÃ…ÃÆ”šÃ‚º Lampolie: You comrades who act like you don’t understand or read Afrikaans, it is paraffin! Lampolie apparently provides more va-va voom to your engine. I just need to find a shop that still sells this one! Kaalgat: This is an alcohol beverage that can do more for your car than it would do for your body. At only 50 cents per litre at Ousie Saara’s house in Nama “lokasie” you can fill your car up at a very cheap rate! I can imagine how fast your car will be moving on this one! The situation will not be so BALANCE! Oshikundu: This one is exclusively for cars in Oshakati! You can fill up with this one provided that you show your Swapo membership card at the Taliban Bar as you enter Oshakati! Jagermeister: All the Germans in Swakopmund can fill up on this one! Your cars will be so drunk on it, it will freely bump all Sam Nujoma drive signs on the main road in Swakopmund. If the comrades ask you why you are doing that just say: “It is zis bloody auto man!” So people, if you happen to run out of fuel use the above recipes. Put a sign at the back of your car for every other car you pass to see that says: “No fuel, no gas, just me kicking your ass!” Merry Christmas, Namibia! God Bless!