Etsee… Lady May said she will bring down Biggie’s House and she did that in no uncertain terms despite the haters, backstabbers, skinderbekke and ill wishers.
This Sunday I want to see her walk out with that moola, but I don’t want any of you naysayers near her. I even heard some of you are queuing up to propose to her at the Hosea Kutako International Airport. Hehehe, ndju fink
‘The Naked One’ will be dumb, after surviving so many evictions, to accept your flirtations even if this is during the much talked about olufuko festival. You ageing gigolos and toy-boys will get nothing – this I promise you.
You don’t know how to handle such loads of moola and certainly you don’t know how to handle the lady herself. Your ideas of a business is a car wash and mbashu in Evelyn Street that will last six months, while her popularity is at an all time high, but once her customer base dwindles, so will your love for her.
You will convince her to buy a Range Rover, which you will show off and write off in less than a month after running away from the cops in your drunken state.
So, leave our ‘Lady of the fifth Month’ alone, but just in case I hear she has fallen for your advances, I have recorded your conversations and your poisonous writings on facebook where you disapproved of her in the first weeks when she entered the house for having pulled the middle finger at you and said, “good night mother lovers”.
Mbuae…ndju Namibians really have a problem forgiving others né and on a scale of zero to ten - you rate a measly two for national pride. Wasn’t that more than a year ago when one of you deliberately pissed her off before the show? I said then and I will say it again, the ‘The Naked One’ was just expressing her right to be pissed off – as if it is not a common thing among you to spew venom at others for accidentally stepping on your crusted and cheesy toes at soccer matches or music concerts.
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s go out and vote vigorously for our sexy ambassador in the Big Brother House who has proudly stood for country and honour - even when those lousy Nija fans called her crazy and weird. I know they wish ‘The Naked One’ was representing their country and not that miserable crybaby goldilocks who was evicted from the house after falling head over hills for a xomsha (corn artist) from Kenya a.k.a Big Lips, a.k.a Prezzo or is it pretzel, who on judgment day brought out his true colours – to wit, a man on a mission to get that nyuku (money) and not to walk away with a fake eye-lashed, fake-haired and heavily powdered woman on his arm. When will we as women learn, hapo?
I must say this was one crazy journey for contestants in the Big Brother House this year. Do you remember ‘Scary Weave’ from Zambia? I am sending one word of advice to those Brazilian bimbos - stop sending your hair to Africa. What I saw during this show was enough to let a baby jump out of his bathing water.
But there was only one piece of sensible advice that Zambian lady gave Lady M – and that was to marry a larneys when she comes out. Don’t kill the messenger! I am just saying that, because I heard they know how to deal with a lot of money. Do you still remember Roki the Weirdo from Zim who left the BBA half-blind? Thanks to his partner who just knew how to remove difficult stains with Jik in the house.
Then my old-time favourite Zainab, the straatmeid from Siera Leone who left the house with a snot klap and a bald head inflicted by our own reincarnated Ou Doring in the name of DKB, a.k.a. Scarface from Ghana who probably came from a pondok in the backstreets of Accra where he was sipping on some Tombo or smoking dagga.
With that I bid BBA farewell and Namibia a great weekend in total and devoted anticipations of the moola coming home.