Before independence we used to dance to the Kaapse dans and pantsula moves at Uncle Japhet’s Guest House. Then we would dodge out of the club before the dance is over so that those stout boys from Polies Kamp would not jip us, especially if they bought us drinks. But we made sure to wear those don’t touch my ankles pants with Kung Fu slippers because those were the days when turning into a kudu was normal after a night out at the Midnight Express - Club Thriller, Club Tuye Pamodzi or at some house bazaar in da Tura.
If a boy liked you he wrote you a letter asking you to be his girlfriend and all you had to do was make a cross at the ‘yes’ or ‘no’ option. When aunties in the lokasie had beef, they just stood over the fence and hanged all the dirty laundry on the line for all to hear. Wasn’t that just schweet?
But right after independence everything changed. Our eyes were bulging out of our sockets from the new dancing styles that our neighbours brought along. It was the time when our kizomba brothers from across the northern border with their tiny jeans and our kwassa kwassa brothers from the Great Lakes with their big pants above the stomach started to immigrate to the Promised Land.
Namibians started copying everything – from the way these new settlers danced to the way they talked - even little boys and girls started shaking their behinds like there was no tomorrow. What an eyesore it was.
Soon the friend you attended Mandume Primary School or Augeikhas Primary School with, was speaking in tongues you didn’t understand and you wondered if they were skindering you with their new found friends. Afrikaans was no more in style and even the Buchters or Baai Naars who could gooi “My Moeder Taal” like nobody’s business were pushed to the sidelines.
Are you wondering why I am bringing up the past and what that got to do with the present? I am not gonna bore you with what grandmother said about how their times were better than ours, because I realized that if you wanna be part of the “in-crowd” in Namibia, you have to be very observant and copy the trends, otherwise you will die of boredom.
That is why I have decided that from today on I am going to become a born-free. Yes, you heard it right – born-free. Why must I be left in the past? My new name is Y2K to the M and if you see me tomorrow sporting a Mohawk hairstyle with five highlights in my hair, don’t be shocked. Those young girls and boys who used to say “excuse me, auntie” when they pass me by will eat out of my hand. I am gonna be the young thang in town and I will wear bright summer colours with a mini skirt even on the coldest night. Who said politics ... booring! What’s on Twitter today? Dd u c Justin Bieber ystdy on MTV? H luked so hawt! Wht his grlfrds nme agin. Who cares?
Ooh, and I am so over the moon, the Zim team got removed with Jik from Biggie’s House - those stains were really stubborn to remove, hey. Sorry Ngo!