New Era

LET me put my cards on the table. I hate January with the passion of a scorned lover, and if I had my way I would scrap January off the calendar for good and discard it to the trash bin of history.

Yeah in my Government, January will be declared persona non grata, starting the year at February as the new month. Advantages aplenty â€" shorter month, no longer waiting period for salary.

Cast this ranting aside, but has it ever occurred to you, how everything during January seems to fall into place very smoothly?

Of course, all along this time January is a conspiracy to those "imperialist, capitalist and what have you". By the tone of my voice you can detect that I penned this as a financially crippled man (lucid term January brokenness).

So permit me to say that the month of January is a conspiracy against hardworking folks like me â€" no discrimination, just pure conspiracies and manipulation.

Here are my theories:

Theory number one â€" take the case of supermarkets. During January, managers of supermarkets will not put items like sugar, Top Score and Meme Mahangu on sale, they jack up the prices. This despite being well aware of the fact that you have no money, but you are forced to borrow to buy these goodies at increased prices â€" meaning you end up in deep financial trouble.

Theory number two â€" agree with me here, December is the month before January, and how odd it is that December is described as the month of giving. And a giving month it is, people. Is it not particularly strange that throughout the year, you apply for credit facilities you are turned away but in December credit managers are generousâ€" and with no hustle the moment you apply for credit, you surely bound to get it. Meaning you are pushed into giving up the little that you would have saved in January

So what does this mean â€" one month later, which is January, you get a call informing you that you are in arrears.

"You are hereby notified in terms of agreement that your account is in arrears, this statement serves to advise you that failure to settle the due amount will result in your details being handed over to our attorney to institute proceedings to recoup the money owed to us".

Damn, guys have a break. It is only January, we have plenty of time to settle this thing â€" you wish.

Theory number three â€" every business entity seems to use January as the month to increase or adjust prices. From insurance to banks (well banks do it all the time anyway) no pity for them here.

Theory number four â€" don't know about you but my electricity unit seems to be on high-speed mode during January. What you used to buy simply don't last that long, meaning you have to spend more.

Theory five â€" always in January â€" credit managers responsible for approving your overdrafts or advance on your salaries all seem to plot and take their annual leave in January. You end up calling the bank for an overdraft but the secretary will say, "Sorry Sir the credit managers are all on leave and are only anticipated to return in February as such our overdraft facilities remain closed for now".

Theory six â€" maybe far-fetched but always wanted to know why bosses paid out bonuses before January â€" this just puts you into more trouble. Even though there are still two more weeks to go before month-end, this could not wait. To tell truth I had a horrid January in every sense of the word. Let me not lie, just like you I always have a bad January.

Luckily, the end is in sight, and many of us would have just made it inexplicably over the hurdle. How we do it year in year out, beats me. From now on I have come to my conclusion the month of January is a conspiracy month.

But stop cracking your head, it is not through any fault of yours that you end up broke. It is a conspiracy against us poor folks and those imperialists and capitalists they know themselves.

Sorry Ngo!

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